Tech Lolz: Special Edition - The 10 Knights Of Facepalm Kingdom

Yey, it's Friday again. This week we have a special edition, and not because it's one day before the 4th of July, but simply because I found too many special cases of facepalms this week. I just couldn't decide which to leave out so I decided to let you pick your favorite. So please let me know in the comments section which two guys from this list would you take with you on a deserted island. I do not recommend you count on them to save your life though. I am not very sure they are up to it. There is no specific topic, it ranges from basic logic issues to hardware issues, software issues etc. I left out the ones with emotional issues even if.. damn, people ask anything on the Internet. If only girls knew how many boys ask random strangers what to text them… Let's get down to business!

People On Yahoo! Answers Are The Reason We Can't Have Nice Things

Let's be fair, not the only reason, but a pretty solid one. Since I have started this series I realized that I've been spending way too much time watching funny cat videos on YouTube. I should've known that the secret to a healthy life and a positive attitude is going on Yahoo! Answers and understanding that I'm actually not stupid. I am doing great! You too! If you haven't actually seen your friends looking like the guys in the meme below very often, then good going! You are awesome. Unlike the following humans whom we will name The 10 Knights Of Facepalm Kingdom:

The Knight of Louis Vuitton Failure

Can you pay for things online by sticking your credit card in the dvd player?

I really hope this works, ive already put my girlfriends credit card in there so that i can buy her a louis vitton purse, the computer is making noises so im sure its processing but its taking well over 5 minutes, so just to be clear it DOES work right?

Of course you can pay for a purse by sticking it in a DVD player. Even more, leave the card there, turn on VLC and watch a movie about your expenses on the last month. I promise you, it's a blockbuster. It's like asking if you can brush your teeth by putting your toothbrush in baking soda and leaving it overnight. They'll be so much whiter in the morning. Seriously, you just took Home Banking to a whole new level. It's the Don't Replicate Level.

The Knight Of TheSadKeyboardKey




You need to take the keyboard with you, go to the nearest supermarket, buy a bottle of milk, coffee beans or coffee liqueur, a bottle of vodka, plastic straws and cream, then go to the groceries store and buy some strawberries, get a girlfriend, drop the keyboard at a computer repairing center and ask when will it be fixed so you can pick it up, go back home, fix two glasses of White Russian, turn on the TV and watch some series. The girlfriend isn't really useful in making the cocktail, I just assumed you don't have one.

The Knight of CaptainObvious

Is there is any difference between smart computing and computing?

Yes. The first one is smart. The second just computes.

The Knight Of Measuring How Long Wind Is

What is faster 1 giga byte or 1 mega byte?

According to most recent studies, it has been proven that no matter how comfortable a chair is, it will never chew hay. Gigabytes and megabytes are storage units, they don't move faster. 1 GB = 1024 MB, in case this piece of information helps you with anything.

The Knight That Had No Real Friends

When I tag people it doesn't show up on their timeline?

When I tag certain people it doesn't show /up on their timeline, but other people's tags with them do.

Well, I guess they just don't like you. There is an option on Facebook that allows you to decide which pictures, videos or posts of you will be allowed or not on your timeline. So yes, your friends actively decided not to like you.

The Knight Of Artisanal Mistakes

I have a dell intel windows 8.1 lap top and it does not have a button where i can open the cd rom. I tried to open it with a butter knife but it will not open. Is there any other way to open that i dont know about ? please someone help me.

Please note this part of his request: "I tried to open it with a butter knife but it will not open. Is there any OTHER way to open..." Other? Butter knives should never be an option for anything else than spreading butter on toast. Ok, maybe some foie gras, maybe some hummus, but just edible stuff. Keep it away from your computer.

The Knight Of Useless Algebra

Do I need math in highschool to become a software engineer?

From my point of view you need math in highschool so you can actually survive in a workplace of any kind, to get a job, to pay your bills, to buy stuff, to … live normally, after all. Even if you decide to be a software engineer in the middle of the Sahara desert you still need math.

As a great drunk math student once said: You need to know how to count if you want to count and be counted on. (Just kidding. I just made that up right now. And I never studied math in college. But I might've been drunk a few times)

The Knight of Randomness' Epicenter

I am posting this same thing because no one is answering me at all about this Question as I sended it many times?

Which one is true a or b ? a : does laptop will be all gone after a long years months days in our life b : or does the laptop it will still come and stay for ever and ever and not be empty?

What in Prince of Persia's name did I just read? I'd comment on the question, but it's mainly like when I accidentally entered the wrong classroom in my first year in the University and I was too ashamed to leave, so I just sat there listening to an advanced Japanese class for two whole hours. It was less confusing than this guy's question.

The Knight of Visual Impairment

Would I need to upgrade anything to upgrade my graphics card

Well, yes. That would be your graphics card obviously.

The Knight of All Bacteria

My mouse is really grose?

Im using my really nice computer mouse for gaming and the wire is like GROWING HAIR and it is disgusting!!!


Here's a thought! CLEAN IT. Unless you fancy some hepatitis. Then, it's OK.


I really hope you guys enjoyed this week's special edition. So now just go to the bathroom, look in the mirror and smile to yourselves: you are smart. No matter what they tell you, as long as you are not part of the legion presented above, you are definitely doing fine.