Tech Lolz: Dear Stalkers. Sorry. Dear, Facebook Users

Because all I could hear in the past three days was Windows 10 all over the place, I decided I would go to my usual source of fun, Yahoo! Answers and see what other preoccupations people might have. After a very long scroll in the Tech section, I realized the world is definitely a creepy place. Full of creepy people and people who are afraid of creepy people. Let's see what people obsess about when they are using Facebook:

Facebook Obsessions

Mainly, over 40% of the questions in the Facebook section sound something like this: If I check a person's profile every day will she notice? How can I hack into my wife's/husband's account? If I texted somebody and then deleted the text will she still receive it? I have sent some delicate pictures to my ex and now he threatens to post them etc.


And then, there is another special category of humans who keep asking if it's illegal to download other people's photos, to create profiles with other people's images, how to get notifications every time somebody else is tagged in other people's photos, do other people get a notification when I save their photos…

...what is wrong with the world?

How To Make Money By Using Facebook

You don't really make any money unless you turn off Facebook and actually get a decent job and try to make a living. That is definitely the only way to make money using Facebook. Not by using it. But it appears that some people actually imagine they can. Such as this person who asks a question for "a friend":

"My friend got over 500 likes on one Facebook post. Where can he redeem them? Is there an online store to spend them?"

If I had a penny for every Like I ever got on Facebook I'd be having… well a couple of bucks actually, but that's not the point. 500 likes on a post means he either posted a contest announcement for 5 MacBooks, a picture of Ronald McDonald wearing a ballet tutu, or a video of Emma Watson doing… pretty much anything. She seems to be as popular as oxygen. Still, regardless of the number of likes, the only thing your friend will earn from this is the fake idea that he is sort of popular, but in reality nobody really cares.

Google Translate, Why You No Facebook Lasagna Mouse

Eve seems to be in need of going multicultural and she befriended somebody from Belgium. Her dilemma is the following:

"If text someone from England on Facebook and they speak a different language will they receive the text in a different language?"

"Update: Hi lately I've been texting someone who lives in Belgium. I'm confused because she speaks Dutch but I speak English. Is she reserving my English texts in Dutch? Please help I want to no whether Facebook as a natural translated or whatever"

First of all, are you POSITIVE you are speaking English? Because "Is she reserving my texts" together with "I want to no whether Facebook as a natural translated or whatever" kind of makes me think you come from a country that has at least three other French and maybe Mongolian dialects taught in school before English. Secondly, no, Facebook does not translate your messages. It does enough just by accepting people like you on the platform.

The Drama Queen

Kristen is sad. Because one of her colleagues decided to block her on Facebook.

"What makes a guy delete you off of facebook?There was a guy that was mad at me at work. He deleted me off of facebook in the middle of the night."

Well, I will go with … maybe somebody doesn't know when to shut the hell up? Or stop eating stuff with a ton of garlic at lunch? But it's probably the talking. Men like garlic more than annoying co-workers. Definitely the talking.

Should A Potato Have Another Potato?

And then there was this breach in the world where things make sense:

"Should my facebook and yahoo mail have the same e mail?"

Should my cat and my dog have the same dog? Should my TV and computer have the same computer? Should my mom and my dad have the same dad? Oh, wait! Ignore the last one. That would be really, really, REALLY wrong. See what using the wrong words and phrasing does to people? Yahoo Mail is an e-mail service. Your Yahoo mail already is your e-mail. It's OK to use your e-mail address from Yahoo to log into Facebook. That's how it is done.


I would love to write a fine conclusion right now, but honestly all I can think of is whether i have people in my Facebook friends list who download my pictures and use them on other accounts. Or if maybe somewhere an Indian fellow is trying to text me but he is afraid I might not understand his language because Facebook translations are not accurate. But I am more worried about the friend list. Also trying to remember if I ever sent pictures I shouldn't have sent to people who might one day hate me.