Tech Lolz: Bad ideas gone wild - Ugly laptops!
Thank God it's Friday, ev eryone! It is that time of the week when normal people finish working and go partying and I always end up home working on missed deadlines. For those of you who consider Monday as being the worst day of the week, try to talk to a professional procrastinator. Fridays are the ones that suck. So, of course I said I will disconnect from the Black Friday madness and this year, for a change, I will not spend on things I don't need…..aaaaaand I am looking for a laptop as we speak. And I found some surprises for you:
Is that a real laptop?
My ADHD got me as usual, browsing from website to website, from blog post to blog post, from picture to picture and boy, did I find some ugly suckas. Some two months ago I presented you some really ugly smartphones and today, it's laptop time. Of course, feel free to think: hey, it's a laptop, how can you completely hose that stuff's design. Just wait and see. I even made a top 5 of the ugliest laptops ever made.
No 5: Ego for Bentley
In case you think that what you see below is a lovely idea of a purse for Mother's Day, No! It isn't. First, it is not a purse, it's a case with a laptop inside. Second, never buy something with animal print for your mother. There is nothing that shouts more promiscuity than animal print. It's like giving a dildo to a kitten. Never! Also, this lovely piece of horridness (I s that a word? It should be) costs 19.800 dollars because it is made from the finest Bentley leather. Gah.
No 4: Qosmio X305-Q706 from Toshiba
Oh, would you look at that. It's fuchsia on LSD. Who on Earth designed this horrendous piece of hardware? It is like Paris Hilton tried to paint her nails with a paint roller and accidentally dropped it on her laptop. Seriously Toshiba, what were you thinking?
No 3: Lenovo ThinkPad W700ds
Oh look, isn't this a creature that looks like something that came out of Sigourney Weaver in Alien? Or maybe it's the hammerhead shark that got lost on its way to be cast in Sharknado. This must be one of the ugliest things I have ever seen. I'd rather buy a leopard print ego laptop.
No 2: Hello Kitty laptop
When you see something with black, pink, crystals and fake shiny stuff, no matter if it is alive or not, it must be coming from Japan. I think that the Japanese people are bored out their brains, otherwise I cannot understand their constant pleasure for the " weird as hell" stuff they make. Have you ever watched their entertainment TV shows? Damn…
No 1: Osborne 1
This old piece of really bad imagination is the Osborne One. I think it was named like this after the bat that had his head ripped off by Ozzy Osbourne in a live concert. Otherwise, no lack of technological progress can justify this atrocity.
I know I said there are just five, but I couldn't really leave it out: the Xbox 360 Elite laptop. What is this green stuff? Is anyone turned on by this cubed thingie? If you ever bought one hoping that it will be the holy grail of gaming devices please donate it to charity, they'll turn it in a nice coffee table.
Well, this being said, I will now go back to my search for laptops to spend cash on, on Black Friday. I'll pay extra attention to the design now that I have seen all of the above and appreciate marketing people who return prototypes to developers with the risk of being killed by poisoning during lunch time. U da real MVP.