Tech Lolz: 5 Old PC Games That Ruined My Girly Childhood
Howdy humans. It's Friday, so it's time for me to try to amuse you with my fabulous random writing on tech and such (The team didn't realize yet I am really an epic fail with gadgets and computers. I think they still believe I am actually smart because I memorize a lot of 9gag jokes). I believe that today's article will bring out the nostalgic in you, you'll shed a few tears, call a friend and then go back to your lives as if nothing ever happened.
What do you mean... kids born after 1990 are adults?
I was earlier on Tinder (don't make me explain it, you all know what it is) and I was talking to a guy who obviously set his age to 30 so he can show up in older women's options even though he was 21. Nothing can fool you better than a picture taken after a long night out and heavy drinking. I would've even assumed he was already paying alimony. Thing is… he was born in 1994. I tried to remember what was I doing in 1994 and I made a list:
- I was a first grader.
- I was able to get dressed on my own.
- I could tell at least 20 different poems when forced to do so at family gatherings.
- I had already found out that Santa and the baby-bringing stork were not real (I had cruel parents).
And there was something else I was doing at that time. Not being able to beat my elder sister's records in Pentix and Supaplex. Dear mother of nostalgia, those games were so cool. And because all I could do today was think about the endless weeks I spent playing on an HC91 at first and then on a 286 with a black and white monitor, I agreed, after a meeting with all of my personalities, that we should tell you about the games that occupied more than half of the time we were supposed to spend outdoors playing with other kids.
Games Of The 90s
Pentix is actually the first or second version of Tetris ever released if I remember correctly. What I do remember perfectly about that game is my sister's 32788 points record that I never even hoped to reach. I am pretty sure it also left some psychological marks, since Tetris is the only game I still play today. Also my cat. My cat is named Tetris. Maybe more marks than I expected.
The second game that made me the coolest under 12 girl in school was a very early version of Prince of Persia. Please note that I was also playing under very harsh conditions. A monochrome monitor is not like a pretty instagram filter you see now, youngsters. It's more like trying to read a newspaper printed like an X Ray. Is that a hole? Wait, is that a blade? I see something on the ground, do you think it's green or yellow? Cause if it's yellow, there goes my last life.
Perestroika (Toppler) might've been the reason why now I hate both frogs and water lilies. I have drowned more frogs listening to Russian hymns than the number of all the selfies taken in summer camp by 35 teenagers. That song is still somewhere in my brain, lurking in the background since 1993. Every time i get angry it starts playing in my mind. You don't know it? Here! Now it cannot be unheard.
Supaplex. Has anyone passed level 88? Cause I had quit. When you start drooling when you see a regular pair of scissors around the house it's time to let go.
And last but not least….Volfied. There is nothing that prepares you better for life than having to start an entire game all over again when you had just 12 more pixels to eat so you can finish the level. Nothing.
So, this is it. This is how I spent my childhood. I definitely cannot ride a bike, I have no clue how to fit my feet inside roller skates, but damn you, am I good at Tetris or what. I can beat your record at any time of the day or night. Unless you are my sister. She just owns the game of something.