Tech Lolz: Will My Laptop Get Heavier If I Store More Files On It?

Guys and gals, after all this time I have spent on forums, reading all kinds of crazy discussion, I have been amazed one more time. Never have I read such foolishness in a forum thread in my life. It's obvious that seconds later I was in tears of laughter, but re-reading the question just makes me ask myself about where we are heading as humanity evolves. Nevertheless, I would like to share with you this discussion so that we can all enjoy some good laughs together. This week's episode is not that much about teaching you something, it is more about bonding over laughter.

1Kb = 1 Gram?!?

Every week I choose a topic and think to myself "man, it can't get any worse than this" and yet every week I surprise myself and find something even "worse" that before. However, I can solemnly swear, that this week's topic ranks number 1 in my "Top 10 Dumbest Things I Have Ever Read On Tech Forums". And hearing and seeing a lot of dumb things comes with the job.

Let's take a look at this discussion: Will my laptop get heavier if I put more files? - started by Jack:

"My laptop weighs about 4.5 pounds now and I'm worried that if i download more files like movies or music will it get heavier?
I don't want to get back pains or leg pains because I usually carry a laptop bag around and it could put a lot of pressure on my neck or if i place it on my lap?"

I know what you will say: "Yeah, this guy can barely write correctly, let alone understand technology". However, I honestly hope that this is a joke question because if it's not, what has become of us?

Just imagine this hypothetical situation - the computer getting heavier with each file you download. You won't need to go to the gym anymore:

  • "Dude, I worked out yesterday and lifted 1TB of files."
  • "Man, you're weak! I lifted 3TB last week."

Also, the house would need to have a new foundation to support the weight of the entire Internet and so on. There will be fights using computers as physical weapons (who needs an AK-47, right?) and the entire world will be in chaos.

Oh, and to carry your computer from one place to another you will need to rent a forklift. It could be similar to that Top Gear's episode where Clarkson used a small car to go from one office to another within the BBC headquarters.

Jeremy Clarkson

Let's not get ahead of ourselves and try to imagine why would someone ask such a question. Even though this specific discussion may be a joke, I'm sure that someone out there actually asked this question at one point. Any theories?

My guess is that it was a kid, in front of his first computer, discovering torrents or some stuff that little boys are particularly curious about and he felt guilty deep down inside.

I had to share this from Facebook!

"Realistically" speaking ,the world wouldn't be that much different, with the emphasis being put so such much on online storage and less on actual computer storage. Our computers shouldn't get that heavy, right? Would that mean that we would always have a very heavy cloud above us? Will we have to send it somewhere isolated like Antarctica, to make sure it doesn't do any damage? Ohh, and it would rain with all kinds of spicy "files", because they weigh only a couple of gigs.

[urban] heavy cloud

My guess is as good as yours!

Let's see how some "smartasses" have answered to this topic:

Don gave the most "sane" answer to such a question:

"Well jack, a laptop that weighs 4.5 pounds is indeed already heavy. Most files that you download are far less in weight than a piece of popcorn and do not add any weight to your laptop However there is a problem when you add heavy metal music files which are by definition HEAVY and will add significant weight to your laptop pushing the total weight up to almost 4.50000001 pounds for every 1,000,000 files added.
Good Luck, keep your chin up and may the sun always shine upon your day."

I love the idea about heavy metal music. Classic, yet snazzy.

Blake said:

"Technically it will but only a millionth of a gram or so."

What are you talking about mate? The hard drive is the same weight before and after putting files on it. If you argue with me and say that your laptop's weight fluctuated slightly, could it possibly because of dust and the food residues beneath your keyboard? It too weights a millionth of a gram or so. Why do you have to support such moronic assumptions?

Seriously people, some of you need to get your act together.

RiCkY said:

"Laptop of 4.5 pounds...what are you? Next Mr. Olympia??[...]"

For those of you that are not aware, Mr. Olympia is a body-building contest. Here's a treat for the ladies, if you are into this body type:

Mr Olympia (17 of 21)

I personally prefer tablets to computers when I am on the run - less to carry and longer stamina. I honestly don't intend to be part of the above-mentioned competition. :)

Conclusion

Honestly, do share with me: What do you think about today's question? What would your answer for this guy be? And how would you imagine a world in which computers would get heavier depending on the amount of files you store on them?
Looking forward to your comments in the section below. Take care!