Tech Lolz: Welcome To Moronia, Land Of Many, Kingdom Of Involuntary Criminality

Is there any continent left where we can ship like a large number of people, build them a safe environment, feed them daily so they don't starve, glue condoms on them so they don't actually make more people alike, and just let them lead a plain, normal and simple life? So that we can move on with our plain, normal and simple lives as well?

If scientists were busy trying to make the human race better starting from a decent 120 average IQ, I think we'd be moving a bit faster than how we now still try to bring down some people from trees.

How To Be A Rock Without Being A Rock?

There are few people who confuse me. I usually am patient enough to get to know people and get used to their way of being, I try to figure out how they work and what annoys them or makes them happy. But some just… really disarm any attempt. Especially people who decide one day that they want to be pilots for example, after they finished journalism, have been on a plane just once and also hated it. Or people who like alligators and decide one day they want to be one, so they go live in a swamp and get eaten, because they are obviously not alligators.

Look at this fellow:

"Is it easy to join anonymous?

I wanted to join anonymous but I heard you had to live like f*** batman but I thought I could join in protests and stuff like that and I can't hack at all."

What is really, really funny about this question is not how amazingly oblivious this guy is about this thing he wants to do, because he imagines it's cool to protest, but the answers he received.

One of them is actually a complete to-do list:

"Here I'll give you a guide

1. Don't go on yahoo answers

2. Call 911 saying that I'm touching a 8 year old

3. When the police arrive say the code 1337

4. They should recognise the number 1337 and take you to the super secret organisation

5. You have to ask the interviewer to "Feel your mantalopes"

It's secret for Lemmie join anonymous

6. Be a bada*s

That should do it as I've don't it before too. Cheers"

Oh... and also this:

"yes, go outside now. we are waiting"

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Moving on from this illegal-hacking-but-without-the-hacking wannabe, we encounter a humble human being with a very technical issue.

"Is there anyway I can charge my laptop without using a charger?"

Of course there is! Don't believe anybody who tells you differently. All you need is a lemon, a gym freak hamster, a wheel, a few Harry Potter spells, from the first book, second edition and someone to sell your laptop to, because it is obvious you shouldn't have one. You can do just fine without the lemon though.

Exactly How Many Years Do You Want To Spend In Prison?

I was thinking of keeping the following guys for next week's edition, but I have to share them with the World right now, because they are special. And because they need to be presented as a great example of how many actions are needed between being stupid and being stupid in jail.

The first one is kind of forgivable, because he might have clicked accidentally, he might have been curious, but the second one should be taken away even for breathing.

Here we go:

"Accidentally bought weed online and it won't let me cancel?

I was messing around online and ended up seeing this thing for free weed samples so I clicked on it, it said to put my address and everything down so I did just to see if it was real and then I clicked order and now I have a box of weed coming to my house and I don't know how to hide it from my mom or cancel the order. Update: I decided to do some research on the website and found out that the samples they are sending me are synthetic marijuana so hopefully if I do get caught by my mom I won't get in that much trouble plus she smokes weed so I don't think she will care that much she'll most likely just tell me to throw it away"

There is a particular order in which people do things online, and even in day-to-day life. They see something that gets them curious, they inspect it, they might try to get a taste of it, and then, when they realize it is wrong, they abort the mission. While I can understand you clicking accidentally or out of curiosity on an ad and then get sort of interested, I cannot possibly understand how you accidentally buy weed online. You saw the ad, you saw it has weed written on it, you clicked, then you clicked some more, then they asked for your address, you gave it to them, and now you're waiting on some dude to show up with a package at your door.

Moreover, you did research on the issue after you placed the order and worried about mom. But not too worried because your mother smokes weed anyway. Then why did you order in the first place, if you have it downstairs??

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And then, we have Mr. I Should Be In School But I am Too Busy Robbing 1970's Groupies:

"I was thinking about making fake autographed photos of well known rock artists and band members and selling them on eBay, what do you think?

I would find the oldest most rarest photos of a rock artist or band member on Google, then find their signature, then go on PiZap , click on "Edit Image", then I would pull up the image on PiZap and then I would crop out the autograph and put it on the photo and print it on photo paper so it'll look like a real 8×10 photograph. Then I would sell the photos on eBay saying that it's an authentic signed photo of this artist or band member."

What do I think? I think you should go to jail. And I think you should get a cell with Cannibal Corpse and Watain fans who bought your posters.

Conclusion

I can't even. Really. We really need to find a new planet. NASA, can we like speed up the whole thing? We gotta ship some folks.