Tech Lolz: How to Keep Your "Spicy" Files Private?

Hey there good fellows of the Internet. Knowing that we want to keep our privates, well, private, for today's episode I am going to teach you good ways to find all those sleazy pictures and videos from your computer, before your better half moves in and sees what you are into and decides it's just too much. :) So, if you want to know about ways to keep your "spicy" stuff hidden, or ways to simply clean up your computer from adult material, read today's episode of Tech Lolz.

Keeping prying eyes away from your "valuables"

What led to this subject is the following thread: How to find and remove "spicy" media files from my PC. Since I am sure that there are many users in this scenario, I thought we should give it a go and address it. Let's take a look at Scott's life:

"I have an embarrassing problem: during my younger and wilder days, I used to download a certain type of movie clips and pictures. The combination of youthful foolishness and a couple of beers apparently caused me to put these files in odd places on my hard drives.
My girlfriend is moving in with me in a few weeks, and I am horrified at the prospect of her stumbling onto one of those files. I have been over my drives a few times, but I manage to find another of those damned files each time. I have huge drives containing hundreds of thousands of files, most of them legitimate and work related, so I can't just format the PC. To complicate matters even more, some of the offending files are named in misleading ways.
I seriously need help here. How can I make my PC honest again?"

Rated:

You've done it to yourself with your own hands. :) And now, the Internet for the rescue? I guess that's everyone's go-to place for finding solutions. Ugh... I have a pain in my stomach and BAM! you have cancer! Because that's how the Internet works.

Moreover, haven't you guys heard about those websites that store all the "spicy" content that you can ask for? Sounds like "YouTube" but not really quite the same. I just no longer see the point of downloading stuff since it's all out there for your enjoyment. Nevertheless, I am a practical thinker, whereas some other people are not.

However, some good ideas came from that specific discussion. The funniest answer in there is the following, from fungusakafungus:

"[...] Talk to your girlfriend. Tell her that you are a normal guy who watches spicy media, drinks beer and feels embarrassed to be accused of the former. This gives you the advantage of building up communication skills and making the relationship more honest and transparent.
Tell her that she is the one and you don't really need these media files any more, she can delete them at any time herself."

C'mon guys! Up your game already! This has stopped working several years ago.

A great answer, and to be honest, a really good one as well comes from Doug T. Check this out:

"Share your entire hard drive on a p2p network and see what files get the most downloads! :)"

This is simply hilarious and makes so much sense. Just think about it for a second and you'll get there. :)

I love P2P

A legitimate suggestion comes from StupidOne (The Stupid One?!?):

"If it was "during you younger and wilder days", I would try with date based search.
If you have Windows 7, write down in search box (after hitting Win button or clicking on Win sign) search. First result should be "Searches". Open it and then hit icon "Everywhere". It will list all files you have on your disks (and which can be accessed from Windows). Right click somewhere on black space on the right margin, sort by and then hit "More...". It will list attributes by which those files can be sorted. I guess, for you ones starting with Date will be the most interesting. Look also for Duration, Year, Frame rate (to filter video files) and maybe Tags if you're lucky."

Not only will Scott be able to find those "spicy" videos, but he will also get a well-deserved trip down on memory lane before the misses arrives. Shut the blinds Scott!

'I'd rather go blind... '

Archimedes Trajano is a lady (yup, took me by surprise as well) who really knows how to arrange her cat pictures:

"You can use Picasa to do a scan of all your media files on your computer, tag and organize them. This prevents you from having to do a reinstall and organize your media at the same time."

Also, a good option but a bit time consuming, especially if your computer is not equipped with a decent processor that can handle all the indexing that Picasa will do.

Anyway, the advice from the forum goes on and on about what you should do in such a situation (fake the file date to show as if it has been accessed many many years ago, create a dual boot setup - one for the spicy parts and one for the normal use, etc) but most importantly, get her her own user account on your computer. Why both share an account and certain information? I agree that trust is one of the major factors in a relationship, but the necessity of privacy is a major one as well, don't you agree?

How to Keep Your "Spicy Stuff" Private From Your Spouse or Significant Other

So OK, everyone indulges themselves in their dirty little secrets on a daily basis, whether it's a song genre you completely despise but yet just can't help yourself from loving that one song, or if it's that librarian with whom you have grown into the great adult that you are today.

No matter the circumstances, it is important to always trace your steps and make sure that you are getting the privacy you deserve both online and offline. So ask yourself this, if you please. If I Google myself how much does the Internet tell about me? Some of you might be very surprised at the information that is out there.

As for hiding stuff from your significant other, passwords are you best friend. Either passwords on the entire operating system, the passwords for your accounts or passwords on specific folders. Except if your password is "password", then God, you do need some creativity. :)
Oh, and one more thing before you leave, get yourself accustomed to the InPrivate Browsing or Incognito or anything similar. Here's a guide to help you out: How to Browse the Web Incognito, in All the Big Browsers. That's how you hide stuff. But not from NSA. :)

So what would we mainly suggest would be for each member to get their own user account in Windows, with their own passwords. That way, what's yours is yours and what's hers is not yours as well. Except if you're good at cracking passwords. As I mentioned, privacy is one of the best foundation rocks in such a relationship. If you are in doubt, please help yourself to our awesome tutorials on Introducing Windows 8: How to Create a New User Account or How to Create or Delete User Accounts in Windows 7

Other ways of working around this situation would be to:

  1. Archive your "spicy" stuff into a password protected archive or just put a password on the folder altogether.
  2. Don't create an entire hierarchy of folders with your "spiced" elements. You will totally forget where it all ended up so don't come crying to us afterwards. Keep them grouped smartly. If she finds one item, the damage is already done so might as well have some more in there. But, if she finds 30 GB of "spicy" stuff, man, you're in trouble!
  3. Get yourself a separate partition for your spicy stuff and encrypt it, if you are feeling really wild. Check this out: How to Encrypt a System Partition with BitLocker in Windows 7 & Windows 8. Also, don't forget our recommendation about having separate user accounts.

There, we saved the day again! Pfew, exhausting work!

Conclusion

Leaving the jokes aside, have you ever found yourself in the situation similar to Scott's? How did you handle it? How do you protect your "spicy" files and habits online? Let us know in the comments below.