Tech Lolz: How To Destroy A USB Flash Drive In 10 Steps

Unfortunately, you won’t hear a USB flash drive saying "This flash drive will self-destruct in 3… 2… 1" using the voice of Inspector Gadget. Nor will it just explode like the Howler in Harry Potter. It would take quite some creativity and a tiny bit of fairy dust to get them to do so. Or just a lot of engineering. However, there are people who would like this feature on their USB flash drives. Why is no one thinking about them? Well, I am. And, in consequence, will try and create a list with the top 10 ways of completely destroying your flash drive. Stay tuned!

The ingenuity of life still surprising

Right, so destroying your USB flash drive is on your to-do list. Fair enough. Before proceeding to why you would want to destroy a flash drive instead of formatting it, let’s see what inspired today’s article: The user TPR had the following situation:

"I heard some people mention that files are deleted from flash drive for good, there is no tracing back. Is that really true?
If not, how do I permanently delete files from it? I have a sensitive file on a flash drive and before passing the flash drive around, I want to make sure nobody will be able to see that file."

First and foremost, formatting the flash drive would be an enough measure. But wait, Daniel R Hicks has a better idea - just in case your paranoia just goes beyond normal levels:

"All you really need to do is erase everything, fill it up with junk, and then erase again. The odds of anything significant remaining would be vanishingly small, and would take black helicopters to recover.

Delete your stuff, then put on stupid junk on it and then erase that junk again? Nope. Nope.

Alright, alright, I know it sounds weird but it kind of makes sense. This is good advice because it makes software recovery products inefficient. Delete files can be easily recovered with software that's specialized for this task.

Pauska Sock on the other hand, has a, let’s say, different approach:

"If you want to absolutely sure that nobody will be handling the drive again, a generous application of suspect liquid to the circuit board should take care of both the data on the chips and prevent people from handling it. "

Fair enough. Just make sure that possibly you will be doing this outdoors. The best way agreed by the majority on the internet users comes from Wesley:

"The best delete tool that (little) money can buy:"

Thank you very much for sharing this with us, Wesley. Nobody would have thought about such a medieval and primitive method. Your ancestors should be really proud of you now. Rattling the rocks and hunting a mammoth in your name. There’s gonna be a feast tonight in your cave :) Yabba-Dabba-Doo!

Fred Flintstone e Dino - Hanna Barbera

Top 10 ways to destroy your flash drive

I have decided, to provide my personal top 10 best ways on how to destroy a flash drive:

  • 10. Microwave it.
  • 9. Dismantle it using a screwdriver and your will and put all pieces in a glass of water. Put the water in the freezer and let it freeze overnight. Take the glass out in the morning and use it for chasing the wild coyotes away from your premises.
  • 8. Use it as a shooting target.
  • 7. Build a time machine and travel back to the Dinosaur times and throw it at a T-Rex.
  • 6. Give it to your satanic neighbor to perform dark rituals on it. It is known that Satan and Technology have a lot in common.
  • 5. Buy a Jeep, customize it so that it is a little Off-Road monster, put the flash drive on a log and then just go wild.
  • 4. Boil it with some spaghetti and serve your enemies with your home-made Flash Spaghetti.
  • 3. Get a pigeon, train it to fly around the world and come back, attach the flash drive to it and have it drop it somewhere in the Arctic Ocean.
  • 2. If your flash drive makes a clicking noise when it pops-up from its cover just keep on clicking it during a meeting. Eventually someone will get pissed enough to just break it for you.
  • 1. Take it to a Nicki Minaj concert. It will self destruct rather than listen to that.

These are my 10 bulletproof ideas for getting rid of your beloved USB flash drive and all the data on it. They are some of my best. However, there are always the File Shredder options out there. They are software that are built to destroy any type of information left behind by files. Give them a search.

Another way about doing this would be to just put it in a cockroach costume and show it to your neurotic wife. Problem solved!

Conclusion

Whether you choose one of my methods or you have one of your own, I would really like to know what you have destroyed and, more importantly , how! Please share your crazy experiences in the comments section below.